Well, when I first met him he had a lot of women in his life who were sort of professionally vaginal. It had always been a significant vocational interest with me but I hadn’t really turned it into a profession — let alone an art form. Anyway, he had these women hanging around who were into feminine biology as a profession. One of them had a vaginal reality with strictly a patholgical oriention. She was a regular walking bibiography of weird shit that could happen to you. She knew every operation anybody ever had and just about all of the diseases. You could spend fifteen minutes with her and be scared to death to ever get near a man again, or a woman, or a cat or a dog, or a wall or a chair. To say nothing of public bathrooms, and my mother had already done a pretty good job on me in that score. Anyway, she’d have you scared to walk across the room or sit still for fear something would fall out or break down. She knew everything that could ever go wrong and her whole life was devoted to sharing it with you.
The other one had more of a pleasure perspective on the issue. She practically had a grant for experimenting with new masturbation techniques. She sent him home with news of one that involved running water in the bathtub and being an open-minded woman, above all else, I tried it out.
Well, I can’t say it’s my favorite way to accomplish the objective but variety is, and all that. Anyway, the success, to say nothing of the safety, of this particular method requires that you leave the plug out of the tub. Three-hundred and seventy-three women in Poland have drowned by overlooking that little detail. And some 4,076 in California. You know you have to pay attention to the details whatever it is you’re doing. Well, like I said, I wouldn’t put it above all other means of accomplishing the objective but I felt obliged to pass it on like I would any other quick and easy recipe. Well, you know how sanctified most of my friends are. They were properly shocked and scandalized, all the while complaining about how their water bill was going up.