I find myself
wondering,
on my walk,
if my brother
might come
to see me
if I were dying,
so that I could
say thanks for
being nicer
than the rest.
Some contest.
Would he say
thanks
for the back rubs,
would he remember?
Most likely
he would not
come, maybe
to the funeral,
which, of course,
would be too late.
It is his birthday.
I call
to see if he
wants to visit
our sister,
just to test.

6/28/99