(caffeine)

Caffeine tea,
I call it “kick in the
butt,” keeps me awake
so then I need it
again.
A cycle easier to fall
into than out of.
It will take me
weeks to get back
to my herbal blend,
which took me years
to get to.
Starting with that
struggle to give up
sugar in my coffee,
how long did that
take? Months –
or years?
And then the coffee
itself, down to one
cup. I bought the
biggest mug I could find.
Sometimes I am ashamed
of my own lack
of integrity.
And then my
English breakfast
tea which I
dearly loved
for its clarity,
until I gave myself
over to the Vata
in the green box,
the Maharish Ayurveda
brand.
There was no turning
back, except now
and then I delude
myself that I can
get a kick in the
butt and not just
need it again.

2/4/99