2000/attach

Finally, I settle down.
Attach myself to the moment,
no – realize I am there.
Amazing the lengths it sometimes takes,
circling without direction,
like a jet over O’Hare.
Searching for that state
of being I cannot name,
and do not know how
to get back to.
Idaho. Wyoming.
It always seems an accident,
a lucky mistake I cannot repeat
and so feel tempted,
as an athlete might,
to keep the streak going
with superstitious repetition,
the lucky-shirt principle,
which is not the same as doing
what I know is best for me
every day.
Meditation. Exercise.
Hard to get going.
Easy to stop.
Why is it that the good stuff
works like that?
I have a gift for bad habits,
a talent for downward movement.
In Ayurveda it is a Kapha thing to do,
and thus, my secondary tendency.
Not my best gift,
the one which strives to ascend,
the one I’m always losing track of,
forgetting where I put it,
feeling confused because
it has left me again.

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