2003/lull

The lull between Christmas and New Year’s,
I pack up the decorations,
except for the tree and its ornaments,
and stack them together. Undecided
when to be done with the whole mess.
Each year the magic grows more challenging.
I kept going out to buy more glass balls.
The potted tree all wrong
for my glass raindrops,
which need wide spaces
to hang and reflect the light.
I prefer a simple tree,
as close to natural as I can get.
Failing that, I begin to consider
bejeweled Indian ornaments
– moving farther and farther
from my dream, the vision of Christmas
I’ve tried to uphold –
just music and candles,
the right feeling in my heart.
When that fails I start adding stuff,
things I’ve already gotten rid of,
when what is called for is eliminating
even more,
shopping, gifts, complication.
This time of the year when
normal life is eaten up
leaving me exhausted and spent,
The Native people knew it as
the quiet time when the Earth rested,
and so should we,
finishing up the year’s projects
Sitting quietly to remember,
to begin a new dream,
instead we shop,
heads crowded with worry
who wants what, not why.
I try and try and
cannot make it right,
nor walk away from it.
And as I say it
I know it is my life
that I am speaking of.

12/29/03