2004/nails

A woman with pretty
nails. Strong,
and polished.
Lately my nails
have been breaking
again,
after a brief
flirtation
with length.
I polished too
for a while,
though usually
I don’t,
even when they’re
long.
I don’t know what
made them grow,
or what brought
on the breaks.
I thought perhaps
because I was
shopping more
and cleaning less.
How long can that
last?
How long can any
of it last,
that’s the problem.
Often at night
I go to bed
with the anxiety
of death.
I had a version
of that in childhood,
brought on, I think,
by the prayer
“if I should die before
I wake”
I don’t think
I would have thought
of that, without
provocation.
It’s different now,
I say a different prayer
at least.

5/12/04