2005/taxday

Tax day, our refund
already spent.
A new tablet computer
I’ve waited years
for, waited until
it was the last
one in the city,
possibly the state.
Its stylus broken.
I had to decide
under pressure,
like buying a gym
membership.
No returns,
or second chances.
But now it’s done
and today its printer
will arrive.
In the night I doubted
I was worth
any of it.

From there
I went on
to workspace,
y lifelong
dream of a studio
down the path.
I hadn’t meant
to, it was prompted
by a shed.
Something is going on
right now,
I don’t quite get
it.
Falling asleep I
doubted all of
it,
especially
my worth.
How can I deserve
these things
without hard cash
as validation
for what I do.
It’s a dilemma
I trip over
with some
regularity.
I have no answer,
I just keep doing
what I do,
what else is
there
for me to do.

4/15/05