2000/sluggish

Middle of March.
I am heavy and sluggish
and slow. Kapha provoked.
Lumbering up the slightest hill,
breathless.
I cannot get away with anything
Cheese and crackers, a week of rain.
And here I am.

The challenge is I used to be
able to push myself like crazy.
Ignoring my every need.
Neglecting myself,
as I had been trained to do,
so I’m developmentally delayed
at self care.
Standing at the kitchen counter
telling myself out loud:
I am hungry. I am tired.
I’ve got the concept at last,
that I have to pay attention.
Now I am working on the practice.
Walking to the perimeter of fatigue,
eating at the first sign of hunger,
not when it fits the schedule.
I think other people got this
a long time ago.
Who knows what I’ve been doing,
always trying to figure out my life
without knowing what it was.

3/14/00